Tuesday, April 5, 2011

The World's Most Deceptive Food

Coffee. It's one of the few edible products in existence that, to me, is thoroughly completely and grossly deceptive, misleading, and false advertisement.

It smells amazing.

It tastes disgusting.

What other food boasts that quality?

Smells like smooth creamy heaven...

... tastes like burnt rotting tree bark?

For all that, I do actually imbibe coffee on occasion, and enjoy it. But, as my husband so often teases, I don't drink coffee, I drink coffee flavored cream and sugar (with a little Kahlua or Bailey's if it's Sunday). And this dessert ranks amongst my favorites.

Today's Zits comic accurately describes my relationship with the burnt brown brew:


So what is your relationship with coffee? Take or leave it? Can't live without it? If you drink it at all, how do you take it (black, a little cream, or dessert-like?)?

32 comments:

Katherine said...

love the smell, hate the taste no matter what you do to it. Don't drink cappuccino or espresso either. Just tea here.

Charlene Moore said...

I like your comic. Normally I put 4-5 packs of sugar in my coffee, not to mention extra cream, to get rid of the bitter biting taste.

Frauzehn said...

My husband is a heavy coffee drinker - strong, black French Roast (he's so addicted, he gets a headache if he doesn't have it). I love the way it smells, but don't drink it. I won't even eat coffee flavored ice cream (what I good way to ruin a perfect dessert). I like black tea in the morning - Trader Joe's Duchess Grey. I tried to pick up coffee drinking in college to stay awake for my afternoon classes. I usually drank it half coffee and half milk. It only made my stomach upset and made me feel tired wired. It was institutional coffee, so it wasn't the best, but it ruined my brief foray into the coffee world. I'm actually glad I never became an aficionado; I would have had to give it up during pregnancy anyway. Despite some of is touted anti-oxidant benefits, it is a diuretic and so flushes vitamins and minerals out of the body.

Sarah said...

If you're tasting burnt tree bark, you're not drinking the right coffee... My priest is a huge coffee fanatic and would often bring me (a fellow coffee lover) samples. The first time he did this, he said that he didn't know how I normally took my coffee, but insisted that I try it black first, before contaminating it with cream and sugar. And that was how I fell in love with a French Press.

I love coffee. I gave it up for Lent, and I don't know how I'm still functioning. I look forward all week to Sundays where I make a special trip to my favorite hole-in-the-wall coffee place (I don't do Starbucks) and sip a much-needed latte.

Rachel said...

LOVE IT! I'm an addict.

* first time I had it I was three and my grandfather put a few tablespoons of it over my vanilla icecream... It was love at first taste!

* I'll drink it in any form: black, with cream / sugar, with shots of flavor (or shots of liquor) added - with or without "the works" - whipped cream, chocolate sauce, caramel, etc, although I usually prefer without.

* I'll drink it watered down (Americano) or straight up (espresso) or spiced up (Arabic coffee with Cardamom.... mmmmm!) or jazzed up (with Chicory for all y'all from New Orleans).

* I will drink snooty name brands, or folgers original; I'll drink coffee made from beans I ground myself or the instant kind - even if it's downright nasty by most people's standards.

* I come from a state next to a state whose official state drink is Coffee Milk.... They made coffee into a syrup that you put in milk and it's DELICIOUS!

* Though people say "decaf" = what's the point? I add that it's still worth drinking it - if nothing for the great smell, warmth, and the placebo-like psychological benefits of doing so.

Lisa Gale said...

I only started drinking coffee when I started working as a waitress. I would throw a ton of ice in a glass and pour the coffee over it. Then I would add some creamer and drink it in10 seconds flat - it was purely functional. Then I started with Weight Watchers. Adding 2 points of creamer in my coffee seemed ridiculous since I started my day with 24 and was down to 6 by the time dinner rolled around!! So I started drinking it black. Now I drink my coffee with a splash of milk...Well, not right now actually. I gave up creamer during Lent and now I drink black tar every morning...I could drink coffee for breakfast, lunch and dinner and skip all food. DEEELISH!!!

Farmer's City Wife said...

Tea doesn't taste like musky dead leaves to you? :-D I have a harder time with tea, actually (lemon/honey/cream... none of it helps).

Farmer's City Wife said...

I hear ya!

Farmer's City Wife said...

Yeah, I know what you're saying. I've tasted a few good quality amazingly delicious coffees before, and realized very quickly that it would be a bad thing to become a connoisseur (both for $$ and health)!

Farmer's City Wife said...

Good coffee (the stuff that really costs $$ and can only be found in serious shops) is in a league its own, I grant you. :)

Farmer's City Wife said...

LOL! Rachel, you're an awesome coffee fan. What passion! What enthusiasm! :-D Do you drink instant?

Farmer's City Wife said...

Really?? Gah! "Black tar every morning..." lol! Somehow I don't wanna join the club ;).

Nadjamagdalena said...

I love coffee. I grew up in Germany, where coffee is what tea is to the English. I drink it with cream, sugar as well on Sundays. During Lent I drink it black, and can only manage half a cup, piping hot. It is truly a penance for me!

Coffee ice cream is my favorite! And iced coffee with a scoop of vanilla ice cream and whipped cream on top is divine!

Katherine said...

lol, no, but I only drink black tea. I think green tea is gross. I can drink it plain hot or cold but I prefer sugar and when hot will also add a little milk.

Marie said...

I really think, in the beginning, when He created the plants, He thought of how much this one must truely be enjoyed. Therefore, I choose not to ruin it's simple delicious taste with anything..So, black..and I love it..It's gotta be strong, but not like East Coast strong, where you can stand a spoon in it. Yes....Ode to coffee!!

Farmer's City Wife said...

The iced coffee dessert does sound pretty amazing :).

TyKes Mom said...

I drink coffee every morning, with milk and sugar. However, if we run out of sugar, I still like it with just milk. But if we run out of milk, yucky! I have to have my milk.

Farmer's City Wife said...

LOL, that's awesome :). Good coffee can be savored, I suppose... but I need to mask the flavor of Folgers with cream and sugar!

Farmer's City Wife said...

I suppose deep down I'd have a hard time deciphering the taste of milk from that of cream, but mentally I like either cream or 1/2 and 1/2 :).

Deoxy144 said...

A little goes a long way! Coffee diluted with almond milk and lots of honey, or coffee ice cream, those are my preferences.

By the way, I'd love to see more installments of the love story!

patty said...

i second the french press. paper filters filter out some of the good stuff (the oils in particular) that make coffee rich and delicious!

Frauzehn said...

A funny coffee story: A friend was giving sips of her coffee to her little one and I asked her if she wasn't worried it would "stunt his growth." She shot that old wives tale down pretty quickly when she told me she began drinking coffee when she was 7yo. She is 6 ft tall.

Farmer's City Wife said...

All in good time ;).

I really like coffee ice cream, too... especially with almonds :).

Farmer's City Wife said...

Very interesting...

Farmer's City Wife said...

Teeheehee :-D.

Jennifer said...

I drink coffee to function now. Before, if I skipped it in the morning, it didn't bother me so much (because, sweet lands, I was sleeping! all! night!), but now. Whoa. Gotta have it.

Since I'm trying to lose this stubborn baby weight that is rapidly turning into love handles, I doctor mine with fat-free milk and Truvia (sugar's calorie-free cousin). It tastes fine, although my husband does NOT agree. He drinks it black. Yuck.

We make coffee with our French press on the weekends and it is AMAZING. Such a treat. :)

Farmer's City Wife said...

How could black coffee ever taste better than milk and sugar (or skim & Truvia for that matter?)? :-D
Does French press take longer? Why is it saved for the weekends?

Jennifer said...

French press requires "coarsely ground" coffee (which for us, translates into MORE EXPENSIVE than the usual Folgers), and it is slightly more time consuming than brewing up a pot of regular coffee, so that's why we save it for weekends. Also, we like having something special like that to look forward to on those mornings together. Silly, I KNOW, but we get excited over the little things. :) lol

Jennifer said...

Oh I forgot to add that I got our French press at TJ Maxx for under $10, I think. Now, I'm sure hardcore coffee drinkers would scoff at our cheap-o French press, but it gets the job done. :)

Farmer's City Wife said...

Ooh... I see.
Silly? Not AT ALL!! What is life for if not the little things? (and, of course, knowing loving and serving God, :-D).

priest's wife said...

hahaha- me too! A bottle of Bailey's lasts me a loooooong time, but I have to doctor up my coffee- so I guess it really isn't coffee

Farmer's City Wife said...

I hear ya! I think our bottle is going on a year and a half... but oh it's nice to have it when we have coffee :).

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