Wednesday, August 24, 2011

A Farm Life Vignette

Somebody, large, fat, and snoopy couldn't handle her Atkins diet anymore.

She's been surreptitiously watching my husband open the coop door each day, as he gives the chubby biddies their ample ration of grain.

There have been loud complaints from the ungrateful ungulate about the fact that she only has pasture and hay, when what she really needs to maintain her sleek physique are some hearty whole grains.

As she's failed to produce a single drop of milk, which is her sole purpose in life, her complaints have largely fallen upon deaf ears.

So she took matters into her own... hooves.

At an undisclosed hour, the roguish ruminant unlatched the coop door, and squished her fat belly through the frame, ignoring the terrified tremors and flying feathers of the petrified poultry, focused fully on getting her carb fix. She indulged. She glutted.

But she was caught, bread handed, by the farmer.

A strong line of electric fencing has now been attached to the coop. She'll be in for a shock next time she heads for the bread box.


Nadja said...

Ooooh, just look at that face trying to look like the picture of innocence!  Seriously, you have to be careful.  We had one cow, our first, get into the corn, over eat and it killed her...there was nothing we could do.  Acidosis, or whatever it's called.  Now we keep the grain pretty much under lock and key, and not in the barn.

Farmer's City Wife said...

Ah, that's awful!!

Are you going to be able to take your cows with you to the new place?

the Bear said...

HAH!!!  Great post!  Thank you; I needed that.

Farmer's City Wife said...

Anytime :).

Carrie-Ann Biondi said...

Holy cow--your narration style is hilarious!  I bet that you could do stand-up comedy, if you wanted to.

By the way, hope the rodeo date was awesome :o) 

Farmer's City Wife said...

Thanks so much for your kind comment, Carrie-Ann! :-D

Sadly, our date was postponed until Saturday. But it gives me something great to look forward to :).

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